“The three types of selfishness. The first type is where I give myself the pleasure of pleasing myself. The second one is where I give myself the pleasure of pleasing others. The third one is where you do something to not get a bad feeling.” – Source: Anthony de Mello
- Type One is pure selfishness. You go to a spa and have a massage.
- Type Two is when you do something for someone else that gives you pleasure: You buy a voucher for a friend/spouse to go to a spa and have a massage and you feel good for having done it.
- Type Three is when you do something to avoid feeling bad: You felt bad about not inviting a friend to go to the spa and have a massage with you so you buy them a voucher in order to stop feeling guilty – the motivation is to stop the guilt so by definition it is selfish.
The first two types are not viewed as ‘bad’. They should just be recognised.
By understanding type two you get Enlightened self interest: “when you know what you do for others is also for your own self benefit.”
Type three is seen as bad. You are doing things to avoid feeling bad rather than to feel good.
De Mello argues that all people are ultimately working for their own self-interest, no matter how it looks externally. In this way if you assume any person you meet is going to act this way you will not be disappointed. You are in touch with reality.